Our friend Carol Frohlinger’s got three words of advice for getting what you want: Stop being nice. Now, Carol’s a negotiation expert with a track record for helping women succeed in the workplace. In her new new book, Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It (co-authored with Lois P. Frankel), she urges us to scrap “nice” in our personal lives and everyday encounters, too. What’s more, she says, midlife’s a great time to do it. “At a certain point, you have to realize that it’s not just about being liked, it’s also about liking who you are and what you do. Some people won’t like you, and they have to get over that!” Well, okay then, what about us getting over that? Her answer: It’s all about mindset. “One tremendous benefit of becoming more seasoned is that you can say to yourself, ‘I’ve done this before.’ Think back to a time when you did insist on what you wanted, and you’ll see that you can successfully do it again.” Rather than worry about pleasing other people, Carol suggests we focus on the benefits of our experience—and consider what we want to do for our second act. Six words: Are you ready to please yourself?
—For more on Carl’s book, go to nicegirlsjustdontgetit.com
I have a different view about “Please Please Yourself”. I think as a mature and civilized person we should cherish and encourage kindness,
humbleness and politeness. Focusing on what we can do to improve menkind and be assertive to it can bring us real happiness. When we are confronted with rudeness, we just need to explain what we want with smile countenance and think about what we usually do with children.
If being nice at the workplace means pleasing everyone and allowing your self to be used then its time to draw the line. One can be nice yet be assertive and holds on to ones integrity. It is very important to have a good relationship with co-workers. Helping someone to meet a deadline or working someone’s shift to help out a difficult situation cannot be deemed as too nice. Any manager who over look someone with these qualities would be very shortsighted.
I’m in my late 40′s and I do have a problem with confrontation because I’m afraid of going overboard or looking stupid. I think about this ALOT lately because I’ve always been the one to back down and let people get over. Everyone else around me are the aggressive/assertive ones and I’m the submissive/cooperative one and I’m totally sick of it. I do feel that I’m at the age to say to Hell with everyone because I have been SO unhappy for many many years due to my “keeping it all in”.